How can I talk to Corn Pone Flicks and get their stuff?

(To see what "their stuff" is, go to the Filmography.)

Before you write, you may want to check out the CPF FAQ, in case your question is already answered there. If not, we can be reached at:

cornponeflicks (stick in the "at" symbol here) yahoo.com

If you want to acquire DVD copies of our films, read on for instructions (you don't have to write for permission first).

First, read the RULES section below. Everything you need to know regarding acquiring videos from CPF is covered in this section, so if you actually read it, you'll know all you need to. Afterwards, we can deal with the whole issue of contact and shipping addresses.

If you email us asking how to get our stuff, we are simply going to ignore you. ALL issues are covered in the RULES section. Read it! Be the first person ever to do so!

How Hath People Broken the Rules? Let Us Count the Ways...or why we're sick of dumbasses.

This page is split into two sections: Rules and Recommendations. The first section includes all the things you have to do in order to get our films. Actions in the second section aren't necessary, but we've found that they smooth the process out greatly.

These rules are very exact and should answer all your questions. Please read them all carefully, because we will not answer mail asking us how to get copies.

The past fourteen years have taught us that it's impossible to make a rule against every little bit of nonsense people might want to try out, so please just use the ever-elusive "common sense." Just because there's no rule against lacing your envelope with crack cocaine doesn't mean it's okay to do so.

1. Read ALL the rules before ordering. After reading them, follow them.(Pretend this is Fight Club, and count this one twice.)

2. We can copy in either DVD-R or DVD+R, though the burner I have works better with +R. We cannot do DVD-RAM.

3. Along with your discs, send enough postage (and no dated postage; it'll be no good by the time we send back your DVDs) to pay for their return trip to you, along with a self-addressed return mailer (no registered mail, please.) Do NOT send cash, checks, or money orders so we can buy your return postage for you. [There is no need to email us first to ask if you can send blanks. If it wasn't okay, this page wouldn't be here.]

4. Make sure that the title you want is listed as "available on DVD" before you request it. The mere fact of the title being listed on the website does not equate to availability on DVD. If it's available on DVD, the respective entry will say so.

5. Don't send generic or off-brand discs. If you do, your copies may suck/not play at all, and we aren't going to listen to any whining about it. Brands like TDK, Fuji, Verbatim, etc. are what you want, not Fred's Homestyle Discs.

6. You should never send us money. You pay for the blank DVDs, and you buy stamps to pay for the postage both ways. We do not charge for copies, so there is NO price list.

7. The films often will be several to a DVD, especially in the case of the short films. This is the way they will be copied. Unlike with our previous tape orders, we will under no circumstances be making any custom combinations of titles on a given disc. If the films you want are spread out over multiple DVDs, you'll just have to order both/all of them.

8. Be patient, and allow at least three weeks between when you send your order and when it returns to you. We're fast, but the USPS often isn't.

9. Be polite. Include a cover letter explaining what you want, and perhaps including some light conversation. If we can take time out to copy your stuff, you can take the time to at least say "hi."

10. Be accurate. Don't call us "Corn Porn Flicks" because that's not our name. Don't ask if we have anything besides what's listed on this site. We don't.

11. Be creative. Don't bother suggesting films for us to do. Do them yourself; you'll feel much better about them, and they might actually get done that way.

12. Don't turn around and sell copies of our stuff; it's rude. We don't profit from this, so neither should you.

People who break any of these rules will be moved to the bottom of our copying waiting list. Should several rules be broken, at our discretion we may send back your discs without copying anything on them. Please just pay attention the first time; a little care goes a long way.

None of these things are necessary to getting our DVDs, but all contribute greatly to easing the process. If you want to ensure that your ordering experience goes as swimmingly as it can, follow these additional guidelines. If you don't mind being potentially inconvenienced, you may skip to the bottom of the page.

1. Use plenty of padding. DVDs are pretty compact and resilient, but the USPS isn't gentle; we've had several orders arrive with broken tapes, and I'm sure the postal employees out there are quite capable of breaking DVDs, too. Simply putting them in a padded envelope is good; also including newspaper or bubble wrap is a really good idea.

2. Write your return address clearly and legibly on the package so if something goes wrong, the order won't go to Dead Letter Planet.

3. Always use Priority Mail or higher service levels.

4. Physically hand your package to a USPS employee. Don't rely on your friends, your mom, or your mailroom at work to send it for you, and don't just leave it in a box to be picked up. Standing in line at the post office is a minor irritation, but it seems to significantly decrease the likelihood your package will be lost en route. (Keep the receipt, too, so you've got something to show if the package goes missing.)

5. In addition to the return postage for the discs, include some way for us to contact you when they arrive. Obviously, email is ideal here, but if you have to, send a regular letter-size SASE as well. That way you can find out when half of the journey has been completed, or if there's been any problems filling your request.

6. Do not seal your discs in the return mailer, because we will just have to rip it open and then tape it back together for the return trip. In addition, sealing your cover letter/request list in an SASE makes even less sense. Yet it's happened, more than once.

7. Bragging about what a supreme "otaku" you are will not impress us; it will in fact have quite the opposite effect. Look into what a word means before you go tossing it about, and you'll do much better in this life.

With these RECOMMENDATIONS, and with the RULES above, you shouldn't encounter any problem getting films from us here at Corn Pone Flicks. Have a better one!

Now that we're all clear on that, here's our contact info:

By clicking on the link below, you agree to abide by all the rules, and acknowledge having read them.

Corn Pone Flicks' contact and shipping addresses

Have more questions? Consult the Corn Pone Flicks F.A.Q. or post inquiries to the CPF mailing list.

Back to the Corn Pone Flicks main page